NARRATOR: Ah... the Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual Free Day.
Free balloons.
Free drinks.
Free lightbulbs?
Aha!
Top o' the mornin', boys!
( laughs nervously )
Whew! Next stop.. gift shop.
There it is... Oyster Stadium.
Not only do they have
the largest oyster held in captivity
it also does tricks.
( dramatic voice ): He spits a giant pearl
100 feet in the air
like a cannon ball!
Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation?!
Let's get over there!
BOTH: This is the greatest day of our lives!
( snoring and gurgling )
This is the greatest day of our lives?
Boring.
You're right, Patrick, we came to see...
pearls 100 feet in the air! Right?
I'll try my oyster call.
( gibbering and trilling )
Well, I'm outta here.
Thanks for nothin', SpongeBob.
( snoring and gurgling )
Come on, come on, wake up already!
( grunts )
( gurgling )
I think it's working!
( gurgling )
( grunting anxiously )
Hey, Patrick, it's waking up!
Oh boy, did I miss it?
No, the show's about to begin...
( whimpering )
( wailing loudly )
What's wrong with Clamu?
( wailing )
Easy, girl, it's me, Joe, remember?
( snarling )
( screaming )
Now, this is a show!
MAN ( on P.A. ): Attention, zoo patrons.
Clamu The Giant Oyster is on an emotional rampage!
Please scream and run around in circles.
( all scream )
Thanks for coming.
( snarling and wailing )
You boys better get out of this area, pronto!
There's nothing more dangerous
than an emotionally disturbed oyster.
You didn't do anything
that might have caused this tragedy, did you?
Uh...
No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant.
Right, SpongeBob?
Right.
( wailing )
PATRICK: Man, if I ever see the guy who upset Clamu,
I'd have a few choice words for him, like...
"you"... and... "are"... and... "a jerk!"
Are you sure you didn't see anything suspicious?
I already said I didn't, Patrick, sheesh!
Hey, lets investigate this crime
and catch the lowlife who's responsible.
Give it a rest, Patrick!
There's no crime to investigate.
Now go home!
Stupid Patrick... I didn't do anything wrong!
Aw, what am I getting so worked up about?
I'm sure that by tomorrow
this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory. ( chuckles )
Our top story tonight:
giant oyster has its feelings hurt!
The only clue that could be found
was this lone peanut!
And as you can hear, the oyster continues
to emit its horrible cry
A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world
A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier,
it breaks the hearts of our citizens!
What kind of cruel, careless, evil person
would deliberately upset one of Neptune's most gentle creatures?
( meows )
Aah!
No, Gary! How would I know anything about the oyster?
( meows )
Defensive? I'm not being defensive!
Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something?
( Clamu wailing )
This is getting a little out of hand.
All I did was throw a peanut.
l didn't mean to make the oyster cry!
l just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts!
Aw, everyone's going to hate me!
I, I need some advice.
Now, let's see now...
who could never hate me no matter what I do?
Squidward!
Squidward! Oh Squidward!
SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?
Sorry, neighbor!
Oh... that overgrown clam
is giving me a headache!
l can't even take my afternoon beauty nap!
( laughs nervously )
Funny thing you should mention that old oyster
Because I... uh... was kind wondering, um...
Let's say I know this guy
who may have something to do with the oyster.
You know the guy who did it?!
( gulps )
Oh, this is great!
You and I can go turn him in!
And then I'll get so much sleep, l'll be gorgeous!
Um, actually, I... I'm just talking hypothetically.
You don't know who did it?
Well, um, I, uh, no!
Squidward?
Gotcha!
Aah!
Where were you on the day of today?
Don't play games with me, mister!
Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?
Oh hi, SpongeBob!
I'm just continuing my investigation
of the great Clamu Caper!
Um... have you found out anything?
Yes!
No, wait... um... no.
But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious
and so does this rock!
And I've got a few questions for this little piece of grass!
Don't worry, SpongeBob, Patrick's on the case!
The truth will be revealed!
I'd better go see Sandy, she'll know what to do!
( Clamu wailing ) Ohh, I can't stand it anymore!
That poor, poor critter!
What kind of inconsiderate person
would upset such a gentle creature?
Uh, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about...
Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain
No more jiggery pokery!
( grunting )
Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob?
( gibbering )
Hey, SpongeBob, how come you're all twitchy like that?
Twitchy? Twitchy? Who's twitchy?
I'm not twitchy!
Sorry, Sandy, I have to um, um...
go get my hair cut.
SpongeBob doesn't have hair...
or does he?
( panting and whimpering )
Hey, SpongeBob!
This is it!
All of the clues are coming together!
I followed these footprints right to this exact spot
and then, right where you're standing...
I found this bag of peanuts! Ha!
Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime
I can almost taste it!
Mmm...
Boy, crime-fighting sure makes me hungry
and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!
Okay, uh, good luck with all that, Patrick
and, uh... I'll see you later!
( chattering and whimpering )
OFFICER: Open up! This is the police!
Uh, uh, just a second!
Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?
Y-y-yes?
Put those eyeballs back in your head, son.
We've got a few questions for you.
Were you at the zoo
on the day of the oyster incident?
Um, um, um, yes!
Did you, or did you not take part
in various activities of zoo-time merriment?
Yes...
And are you familiar with... this peanut?
Yes!
Just one more question...
Is it true that you were at the oyster's lair
with a Mr. Patrick Star?
( crying ): Yes! Yes! It's true!
It's all true!
The merriment, the peanut...
the Patrick!
That's all we need to know, son!
Let's book him!
Wow, you guys are good!
I'm the last person I would have suspected
but I was looking for me all the time!
It's the perfect crime!
Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, pinky!
Oh no! Patrick's too sensitive for the big house!
( siren wailing )
Wait, stop!
I'm the one you want!
I am the criminal!
( crowd yelling and booing )
Hey, everybody, let's throw peanuts at him
and see how he likes it!
( crowd yelling )
I get what I deserve!
( gulping )
Ouch!
( crowd booing )
Wait!
Hold your peanuts!
Patrick Star is innocent!
l have come here to reveal the truth!
They say that truth and honesty
will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness! ( humming dramatic theme )
I'm here to lay my cards on the table
to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life,
to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I...
Hey! Just get on with it!
l am the one who threw the peanut.
l know now that what I have done is wrong...
and so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster!
I am sorry, Patrick.
l am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom.
( Patrick stops humming )
Hey! Let's throw peanuts at both of 'em!
( crowd yelling )
Wait! Here's the real criminal.
Uh... top of the morning?
Mr. Krabs!
( crowd gasps )
I knew it!
Mr. Krabs stole a very important item
from the oyster!
Behold...
( crowd groans in disgust )
Wait a minute...
Behold!
The oyster's pearl!
( crowd gasps )
Here you go, girl.
( sniffing )
( crowd cheering )
( crowd gasps )
( gurgling ): Mama! Mama!
Mother of pearl!
The oyster's a mother!
And that pearl's no pearl.
It's an egg!
( gurgling ): Mama! Mama!
( gurgling )
( both gurgling happily )
ALL: Aw...
But it's... Free Day!
( crowd yelling )